Len d'Eon

The Queen mom was determined to find a suitable wife for mad George III. Suitable, for her, meant not only a royal, but a royal who wouldn’t go around telling the world how mad he was. There was a lesser princess, a sixteen year old farm girl who lived in a remote part of Germany. Mecklenburg.

In Mecklenburg, the Queen mom’s team found Charlotte suitable.

There was only one problem. Charlotte and the Chevalier d’Eon were lovers. They had agreed to get married at the end of the war.

When told her daughter was about to be Queen of England, Charlotte’s mother said something to the effect like “over my dead body.” She was found dead the following morning. English history tells us she died of excitement and joy. German history says it was the milk. Poisoned milk.

Everyone knew it was Queen Charlotte who bought Buckingham house (now Palace) to get away from the nutty King George III who was known to shake hands with trees. From that day till now, Buckingham Palace is still called the Queen’s house. More than nutty, George III was dangerous too. Seventeen year old Charlotte survived the black eye that she wore on her wedding day in London.

Not many know that it was she, Queen Charlotte, who first bought and brought the Irish Guard to Buckingham house. It’s purpose was to keep her safe from King George III, who lived at Saint James Court. The Irish guard tradition continues today. Though not for the same reason.

Queen Charlotte did manage to keep George off the premises. The Chevalier d’Eon moved in. Fifteen children ensued. Of those, seven had china-blue eyes. Charlotte had dark brown eyes. George III eyes, according to English history, were plum-brandy. Explain that one.

The Queen mom was ecstatic. Despite George III being “unable”, England had heirs to the throne; the royal disease called madness suddenly disappeared, and everyone was happy.

The Chevalier brought with him his book collection to Buckingham. Latin, Greek, German, French and English books.

When, years later, these same books were brought from Buckingham to start the British Museum Library, it was highly touted as the collection of the great master, George III. George III, according to English history, could read and write to an eleven year old level. He also collected books, and shelved them by color. Red cover, blue cover, black cover goes here. Go see the collection. It’s on display at the British Museum Library.

Then that damnable free press on the continent ran the story. Charlotte’s kids were not the King’s. They were d’Eons.

The Queen mom tried to have the marriage annulled so that the first two sons could never accede to the throne. That didn’t work. She hired a gun to kill the Chevalier. The assassin missed. The Chevalier took him to court at Old Bailey’s. The Chevalier won. Put the would-be assassin in jail. But he had to run and hide. Until. Until the Count de Broglie came up with a beautiful plan. It was he who said “Because woman cannot impregnate woman, we shall say the Chevalier has always been a woman.” A portrait of the Chevalier painted with slight breasts and a fancy hair-do was dispatched to London.

It worked.

The first two sons did become Kings of England. George IV was frequently seen in the company of the Chevalier.

The Chevalier was buried at Saint Pancras churchyard. Strangely, the part of the cemetery where he was buried was bulldozed. A road had to be built. And, of course, it had to be built over his grave site. Of course.